My Story Not so much then but all about NOW

Hey well i can sit here and dwell and have a pity party about my past and being a big girl but all that doesn't even matter because the point is were am at today as a person ! You know in life you have stages of growth I think I have embarked on one of those stages of complete utter surrender and self acceptance.  The plus size community here on blogger and You tube has played a part in that. I have learned to fully accept my body a couple months back  I still wanted to loose weight but wanting and doing it is just 2 different things . Don't get me wrong am living a healthier lifestyle but am going to keep it real am not very active in the gym department. So until I feel the urge too get my fat ass to one am okay with being crystal.  We in life all need people to keep inspiring us  I mean we have to do the foot work but we need somewhere to get inspiration. I do my thing her on Blog and on You tube and I help inspire other women which is a blessing .But as much as you give it you also need it for yourself. Am just fully ok with who IAM ;) Now onto another subject about my love life I don't really have one . I guess this is were I fall weak and my walls are up full forced  Although I would love to have a partner I just don't want to settle I say prayers all the time and I know that Its all in gods timing but I cant expect him to fall from the sky when i go out I do have fun with my friends but i try to stay away from guys I don't no why the hell i do this its totally weird i almost sometimes feel as though i would not no what to say and that is totally out of character for me because am a pretty blunt and open person I really have no idea were am going with this .Maybe i need to do dome more soul searching And maybe be a little bit more open minded when it comes too the love department. And maybe get rid of the list I made of what am looking for  because i doubt that  I will find everything am looking for on that list I am a little picky lol  ok so thats enough of my blabber